Archive for: #ManicMamaMonday

Weeks 1-5 of Motherhood

Welcome to Monday – and the first #ManicMamaMonday post here on Everything in Particular.  I chose to add a weekly post about motherhood because as the last five weeks have showed me, motherhood is hard.  It’s a bit easier, though, when you have a community of other mothers who have gone before you on, or are going through with you, the journey of being a mom.  My first month of being a mom has had numerous ups and downs…it’s been a huge roller coaster ride.  What’s helped me is knowing that I am not alone, that what I’m feeling, good or bad, is normal, and that things will get better.  So, I’m here to share my experiences with you, in the hopes that I can help at least one other mom in her journey.

Reaghan Grace was born at 41 weeks, exactly, and boy, was I ready for her to be here.  I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore, but it was more that I was so ready to hold and kiss and love my baby girl.  Labor and birth were fairly uneventful, and we had ourselves a healthy baby girl.  She was {and is} beautiful – absolutely the cutest baby I’ve ever seen {and yes, I readily admit I’m likely quite biased}.  I was thrilled to hold her and kiss her.  Zach was by my side the whole time.  I was crying and smiling – he was smiling quietly – we were both amazed the thrilled.  Before long, it was time for Reaghan to be examined by the pediatrician and wrapped and brought back for her first meal.  Let me say, breastfeeding is hard.  It hurts, it’s challenging to get a good latch {who knew such a thing existed?}, and you’re always questioning how well it’s going.  Am I producing enough milk?  Is my baby getting all that s/he needs?  Why don’t I love this more?  It seems that all the moms we see in popular culture and the media love breastfeeding – and they make it look easy.  I’m here to tell you that it’s not easy.  My advice?  Get help.  Take the help offered at the hospital.  Go to any breastfeeding support group at your hospital or in your area.  Know that it does get better.  I don’t think I caught my stride and really ended up somewhat comfortable breastfeeding until some time after week 3 {and, I still don’t enjoy it – and that’s OKAY!}.  It wasn’t as painful and I was getting into some sort of rhythm with it.  My biggest piece of advice, though?  Do what’s best for you.  My OB told me {when I was in for an emotional evaluation in week 3 – more on that in a bit} that “no baby ever died from eating formula.”  In context, what she was saying was that it’s okay to feed formula if you need to.  Your baby will be okay and you aren’t doing anything wrong.  If you decide that breastfeeding isn’t for you, that’s okay, too.  Do what’s best for you and your family.

Another huge obstacle to motherhood?  Sleep deprivation.  That is likely the biggest problem faced by new mothers.  Let’s face it – it’s a form of torture for a reason.  Add in the swinging hormones and you’ve got yourself a recipe for emotional disaster.  I couldn’t sleep in the hospital – I was wired.  I wanted to know what was going on with my daughter.  I was uncomfortable and in pain.  I heard every noise and sound.  I closed my eyes, but didn’t sleep.  By the time we got home, I was exhausted.  Thank the Lord I had my mother and husband to help me.  I would not have made it had it been just me in the that first week or two.  I struggled at home.  I felt like I had to learn how to care for my daughter all by myself, without help, because that’s how it was going to be:  my mom would go home, my husband would go to work, and I would be home with the baby.  I hadn’t slept in three days and I hadn’t LET myself sleep in three days.  I was miserable.  Once my husband and mother held a minor intervention when I broke down in hysterical tears, I slept.  They were there to help.  Zach and I are a team.  I don’t always have to do it by myself.  And, right now, while there’s help, my goal needed to be as much on recovering and taking care of my basic needs so that I COULD care for my daughter the way she needed to be cared for.  One truth new moms need to hear:  YOU CANNOT CARE FOR YOUR BABY IF YOU DON’T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.  Drink water, eat food, take a shower and rest whenever and however you can.  Sleeping when your baby sleeps, at least in the beginning, is a joke.  I’m calling it.  You are getting used to their baby noises, listening to their breathing and you’re so hyped up waiting for your baby to “do” something, that sleep does not come easily.  I get it.  But rest quietly if you can.

Another truth to new motherhood?  Nothing prepares you for the life change that is becoming a mother.  You can listen to other mothers, you can read stories, you’ll hear what doctors tell you…but, until you’re in it, there is no understanding it.  I had this picture in my mind:  I’d be tired, but I would take care of the baby, the house, myself, my husband, the chores, work part time, write this blog, run my equestrian business and explore other professional avenues.  Go ahead, you can laugh.  I do now.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  I probably had it in my mind that my daughter would come pre-programmed with a schedule.  She’d wake up, eat, have a diaper change, get some kisses and be held while I lulled her back to sleep.  Then, she’d sleep for an hour or two, during which time I could sleep, work, do chores, whatever.  Then, it would start all over again.  Guess what – that doesn’t exist.  Days and nights are messed up.  Your baby might sleep for 45 minutes or 3 hours.  You’re still working out this whole breastfeeding thing – and, it still hurts like you wouldn’t believe.  Babies cry and fuss and need comforting.  Sleep won’t come easily.  You’ll run into them at every sound they make, asleep or awake.  You’re too exhausted to walk downstairs and start a load of laundry.  Fitting in work is laughable.  I was overwhelmed and anxious and scared that I couldn’t be a mom, especially without help.  Never-mind being a wife and homemaker.  It was at this point that I lost it.  I cried.  I balled.  All these feelings and realizations weighed on me so heavily that I felt guilty and I really struggled.  Being a mother and at home was NOTHING like I thought it would be.  I felt detached from my child, this child I wanted so, so badly.  This child I waited for and carried for 41 weeks and couldn’t wait to hold.  Now, I couldn’t wait to lay her down and step away – preferably to find myself, or some part of my “old” self, to do something that I used to do {although I never had any idea of what that was}.  I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore.  I missed being a wife – I felt like all I did was mother my daughter now.  And, I felt like there is more to me than being a mother.  All these feelings made me feel guilty.  Here I’ve been given this amazing gift of a beautiful, healthy daughter – a true answer to prayers – and I wasn’t sure that I was happy about it.  I missed my old self – wow the guilt.  I felt burdened.  I looked at Reaghan and didn’t feel that pull of mother-daughter, I didn’t feel that connection.  I wanted to feel it.  I wanted all the hard parts to be worth it because of my overwhelming love for my daughter.  I didn’t feel any of that.  And that brought the fear and the tears.  I asked myself, “Is this normal?  This can’t be normal.  Why do I feel this way?  What do I do?  Is this depression?  Anxiety?”  All I can say is thank goodness for a mother who said, “You will be okay, you are a good mom and it’s okay that you call the doctor and ask these questions and get help.  I’m here for you.”  Thank goodness for my husband who held me and said, “I love you.  We will take this one step at a time and figure out what we need to do.  It’s okay.  It’s not your fault.”  I had friends, moms and otherwise, who said they knew what I was feeling.  They told me they were there for me.  There wasn’t something wrong with me.  I had nothing to be ashamed of.  Family stepped up to help.  I called the doctor in tears, told them something didn’t feel right and asked for an appointment.  The OB said that everything – EVERYTHING – I was feeling was normal.  She said that given the extreme sleep-deprivation, the hormones going crazy, the toll pregnancy and birth took on my body and the significant life-change of having a baby, it’s no wonder things are wacky right now.  She said that they will get better.  She validated my need to prioritize my basic care.  She said that motherhood is hard, breastfeeding is hard, it’s all hard.  She said call in the ranks and get help.  Get as much sleep as I can.  She said eat as best I can, drink lots of water, feed formula if I need to, pump and bottle feed if I need to, let the baby sleep where she will {as long as she’s safe}.  She said this time is all about survival.  Worry about finding a schedule and routine in a few months.  Babies won’t have much of one for a while.  Do what you have to do to get through.  So, I offer her words of advice to you.  I immediately began to feel better.  Someone, who knew what they were talking about, told me everything I felt was normal.  She told me that I would begin to feel a bond with my daughter.  She said that my love for her will be overwhelming in it’s strength.  She validated my feeling of being burdened – she said babies ARE a burden.  She told me it would all be okay, it would get better.

Here’s the good news:  it has.  My weeks of feeling the baby blues are mostly behind me {it’s a process and feeling better doesn’t happen overnight}.  Don’t lose hope for yourself.  It’s hard, but it does get better.  Accept help and go easy on yourself.  Take this one day at a time.  Use whatever you need to get through each day.  Find a community of moms who can offer support and camaraderie {that community can be here}!  Remember, you are a good mom – you can do this!



Happy New Year – 2017 is the Year!

Hello!  I cannot believe how many times I’ve started a new year and thought “This will be the year I actually stick with blogging consistently!”  However, I’m convinced that 2017 is finally that year!  2016 was a blessed year, full of so many life changes – the biggest being the birth of Zach’s and my baby girl, Reaghan Grace, which has finally brought me home full time.  While being a full time mom will be just that – full time – I can also put time towards keeping up with Everything in Particular – and I’m excited!

Something I’d like to introduce this year is #ManicMamaMonday – posts every Monday about my experiences and journey of being a new mom, with the idea that perhaps there are other moms out there who need to hear stories (and find support and encouragement in them), have a laugh or maybe even get some advice from my lessons learned (likely the hard way).  Reaghan is five weeks old today and let me tell you, it’s been quite the experience already – and it is not easy (it’s wonderful, but very hard).

I will also stay true to the original ideas of this blog – to share with you my passions in life, which happen to be numerous, and my experiences exploring them.  Everything in Particular is an odd mix of a homemaking, cooking/baking, crafting and travel blog, with doses of lifestyle and how-tos thrown in.  I anticipate that its identity will evolve a bit this year – and I look forward to that, especially with feedback from readers.  I am excited for the community I hope we build here and to learn about all of you, too – so never hesitate to leave a {respectful} comment, either here or on our Facebook page!  I’m looking forward to 2017 here in EIP!

{Stay tuned for the 1st (of many) #ManicMamaMonday post later today}